why did i take so long to post this? wrote it in november, 2022, after a sudden thought struck me.
something is slipping away, and it’s not just the pleats of the saree between my fingers. i realise as i go through things in life, it’s not about how fat you are or how thin (oh, i’ve worried about that a lot), or how much or little money you have (no, really), how big or small your house is, what grades you or your kids got in school, what people said or didn’t say about you, whether you travelled the world or not. no, none of these and a zillion other things we allow much space in our thoughts… no, none. it’s really about the people in your life. those you love, to be precise.
it’s all there. in just that.
i’ve watched many of these people go. and with each one, something has slipped away, never to be caught back and made part of my life as i live. with them maybe some of me has gone too.
why such mutterings on a post about a saree i wore last friday for shabbat? i guess i felt the yards of silk slipping around me, and along came these thoughts.
some of me has gone no doubt, but there’s more coming along.
a me i have no knowledge of, nor have met before.
the languid layers of phyllo pastry lying supine amid liberal brushings of oil wink at me. “who’d have thought you’d want to make baklava one day!” they seem to say with an amused air.
almonds, walnuts, pistachios get crushed and entangled with surprise.
cardamom, cinnamon, lemon, honey, and sugar simmer and saunter into my memory bank.
the sharp edge of the knife plunges into the pastry and cuts diamonds that will be forever.
as i make the baklava i think, i guess there have to be cuts and deep wounds for sweetness to pour all the way in. i am making our first ever baklava with one of those wondrous people whom it’s really about.
she slipped into my life when i least expected it. she gives me the courage to try untried worlds, to find what else is out there, and take the next step forward even though i may trip on my pleats.
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i’d never have bought a green and yellow checked saree with shocking pink and purple borders. but this gadwal was fated to be mine. came to me through a mistake… am i grateful for mistakes. you can read that story here.
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sarees tell stories | gadwal silk from abhihaara social enterprise, hyderabad, bought 2020. you can find them on instagram @abhihaara
