the world as i knew it surely changed just now. so my smooth suave deadly mistah bond is chewing pan bahar paan masala these days. he’s kissing it too. dum di dah dum di dah dum di dah dum… the bond theme saunters in into my head and does a cool pirouette. pan bahar is forever forever forevvvaaaah, plush velvet notes fill and swirl in my middle ear.

this just did happen. pierce brosnan, the swish remington steele and our rather dishy james bond just did hit a man with a pan bahar tin and then, chinese martial art film style, it flew right back into his palm. upon this, the man made a smitten face and touched his lips to the blue dabba (tell me, did anyone ever blow a kiss at the walther ppk? ever?).

this is the end, hold your breath and count to eternity. but who was to stop mr brosnan, now in full bond form as “aaygent!” (so clever, the b franchise cannot sue anyone that way, it’s just “aaygent” you see).

the man went and hoodwinked the beauteous b girl in red dress and swiped her tin of pan bahar paan masala. ouch. then came the pan bahar manoeuvre to take out the baddies, followed by a triumphant moment… this is exactly the point to pull out the dabba from somewhere and deliver the killer line, of course. no, not my name is bond…

while i am feeling dizzy and laughing foolishly at the same time (with or without pan bahar, the man is nice) i note, the advertiser has made sure they get their money’s worth. a la dev anand, the blue tin is almost in every frame. i wish they had commissioned q to soup it up a bit. can you imagine, the tin exploding and then auto-resurrecting from the burnt out bits. ooooh.

pan bahar is said to be bad for your health and carries a statutory warning to that effect. i love to chew some paan masala when i go back to india. in three days, my mouth is a mess, my teeth ache, my tongue is thick and hurting badly. maybe the “aygent” handles it better. enough from me, now handing you over to the man himself, remember, “class… never goes out of style!” nor does pointless copy. i suddenly have an itch to see an elderly mr b. go on, dear aygent, live another day.

video credit uploader… the commercial is created by ddb mudra.

featured visual courtesy uploader.

the words “no pan intended” in the title thanks to my husband who is a james bond fan and is still looking at the commercial perplexed.


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