when you were ok
when you didn’t have a knot of
waylaid blood and warlord cells
bringing chaos into being inside you
when we thought we could be us
we could just be us
bickering, disagreeing, chatting about this and that

when you were ok
when time hadn’t lost cadence 
and surrendered its rhythm to flesh
when you grew your sideburns
when we thought there was no rush
we had no need to rush
giggling over ridiculous memories, holding
our world in place with this and that

when you were ok
when the struggle had not been tamed
and smothered
when there was still air to breathe
when you had that look on your face
ah, that look on your face
barely tolerating the one smiling beside you, i sift through our this and that

when you were ok
when you were ok
when i was ok

………………………………………………………………………

a picture from january 2020, my brother in a suit just back home from work and me in a lovely silk mekhela ready to go to a wedding, set me writing this morning. must every feeling be recorded, be noted, be articulated? perhaps yes, for isn’t it all about feelings really?

indrani’s index