i have never been able to walk past that day
and put flowers in a vase filled with crystal clear water
or laugh looking up at a blameless blue sky
or sigh at the thought of innocent unbroken love
no, none of the above
i have never been able to walk past that day
and stay on the road looking straight up ahead
or feel the rapture of breeze on my face
or run into arms of all absolving love
no, none of the above
i have never been able to walk past that day
without feeling the slowing down of breath
or my feet turning to unliftable lead
or the sting of tears at the back of my lids
or the wrenching within, the hacking of love
all of the above
i have never been able to walk past that day
there might be a day like this in your life… these days are there, they exist, no amount of time or talk or happiness finds its way around them and maybe that is alright or maybe not but they are there and i would like to own mine as mine even if i feel myself die as i do. just read jim morrison on pain again… yeah “your feelings are a part of you. your own reality. if you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality.”
Can I tell you that this resonated with me? Last some days, there’s been this feeling of not being oneself. Not knowing what is wrong. Only time when something connected was when I landed up on our thread, and read one of our dives into madness and laughed! Yes, there are days, more than one perhaps, pain which doesn’t feature at the fore most days, but hide somewhere in the shadows.
in the shadows, in the cells, embedded… no point trying to get rid of it, perhaps it’s ours essentially… exists because we do. thanks, lady k. you are not feeling quite like your “normal” self sorry to hear. slowly but surely that feeling will return… i have a feeling. thank you so much for reading this one, part of me.